8 Months (Don’t Believe It!)

Read below…and then watch my 3 minute video: “A Vision From The Future.”

Zero Circle

Be helpless, dumbfounded,

Unable to say yes or no.

Then a stretcher will come from grace

    To gather us up.

We are too dull-eyed to see that beauty

If we say we can, we’re lying.

If we say No, we don’t see it,

That No will behead us

And shut tight our window onto spirit.

So let us rather not be sure of anything,

Besides ourselves, and only that, so

Miraculous beings come running to help.

Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute,

We shall be saying finally,

With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.

When we have totally surrendered to that beauty,

We shall be a mighty kindness.

- Jalaluddin Rumi

I recently told myself: “Just Go With God In Complete Surrender”. It seems, somehow, I am always given exactly what I need when I need it. 

Over the last few months, as I now approach the completion of my chemotherapy, I have been struggling with a perception of limited resources, and uncertainty for my future. Understandable, right? Read on…

The chemotherapy has done the work expected of it: to put the brakes on disease progression. It is not considered medically curative for a stage IV prostate cancer diagnosis, it buys you time, and the work after is to restore the damage done and to continue seeking remission. 

This will involve dissolving an expression of chronic stress in my life, and addressing the cellular damage that may have occurred with chemo in a proactive way through supplements and continued infusion treatments. There may be some water fasting in the works, and lots of meditation. Meanwhile, I continue to serve my coaching clients, the clients from my old business, and the cancer patients I see daily to enroll for The Healing Oasis, the wonderful cancer center I attended last year (see “16 Months”).  Because they are half the cost of other centers, and better, they are almost full for the season. If you or a loved one are looking for three weeks of natural cancer treatments in the woods of Canada, send them my way.

But the most important work, while navigating a path of remission in this significant expression of chronic illness, is a full embrace of God and Surrender. This also alleviates chronic stress. 

I had a wonderful opportunity to have a brief session with legendary therapist Dr. Gabor Mate, and as I expected from this supernaturally gifted thought leader (who views, by the way, and quite accurately, my excessive praise as a symptom of what I share below), I had a somewhat shocking realization of what was likely a key factor in the genesis and persistence (up to now) of my disease. 

To see Gabor, it was required that I read four entire books in the course of a few weeks. Two I had already read (Healed - Dr. Jeffery Rediger, Radical Remission - Dr. Kelly Turner). Then there were two of his own books (When The Body Says No, The Myth Of Normal). I completed my assignment, and because of this, most of the necessary work had been done even before I met Dr. Mate.

I understood clearly that childhood trauma and conditioning had put into place a need to earn love by “being good”, and this condition created an environment of constant stress throughout my life that I was not even aware of. I had clearly seen this in both therapeutic and psychedelic interventions, but of course we are forgetting machines in our day to day life. 

The Rumi poem speaks of the freedom of surrender and uncertainty, which to me is terrifying. Not being in control is terrifying. 

But all of you who are reading this post, who have supported me, are my “miraculous beings”. 

I have been called to create a picture montage of the faces of all of those who have supported me, because seeing these faces floods my body and consciousness with grateful tears and emotion. Something in me just can’t believe I am this much loved, and seeing this proof overwhelms me. 

What’s next? I am searching for a mind/body therapist as recommended by Gabor. My beloved brother Lane Carlson is supporting me with therapy, and Gabor just today connected me with a therapist I am excited about. 

Can I just share my love and appreciation for people like Lane, Gabor, Stephen McGhee, Alia Hale, Amber Shirley, Dr. Bill Pettit, Donna Bond, my beloved Mark Cote, and everyone who has donated to provide me with all the treatments beyond my own resources?

And also, a deep respect and appreciation for those I coach. As all coaches know, their clients also uplift and teach them. It took me 60 years to find what I was best at, and for that I am infinitely grateful. 

Hearing Gabor’s voice in my head, I also want to add, I am worthy of all of this support. Let me sit with that. I am a Divine Being having and using a human experience for Awakening - which is usually a process and not an event - using everything for my upliftment and growth. 

But let’s face it, I love love, and I love expressing it. And I can express this love without it being at the expense of emotional authenticity. 

Finally: resources. There is no “beyond my own resources”. I am limited only by my own consciousness when generating wealth, and this consciousness is evolving through the support of my teachers and Masters. 

My deepest and most heartfelt intention is expressed in the daily affirmations I use. I have made a short video that I wish to share with you. Watching it, and seeing it happen for me, you will actively participate in creating this miracle. THIS IS MY FUTURE…and…”this or something better for the Highest Good of all concerned”. 

Go With God.