2 Months (Don’t Believe It!)
A Message For You.
FEAR.
(Version 1: F**k Everything And Run)
If you’ve been following my journey, you know that my PSA, the standard marker for the presence of metastatic activity in prostate cancer, has risen higher than it’s ever been before.
Now, this may mean the treatments I have been doing have been working. This study mentions how tumors might show up more in scans when agitated by treatments that are actually effective in the long run.
I always choose to think in the positive, so I take this optimistic view into my brain. I also sustain my thoughts with powerful affirmations.
But there is a side of me that is terrified, and that side came to the surface, not in my conscious thoughts, but in my behavior last month.
As a reaction to this terror, I wanted comfort. I found it hard to be productive and the badass I aspire to be. Old habits cropped up, addictions to food and media and distractions and basically, escape. F**k everything and run.
The money started running out. I had spent a LOT of money getting these new treatments into place (I had also dropped thousands of dollars this summer in Canada to begin these treatments). Doing this protocol on a daily basis takes a lot of time, leaving less time for bringing in the needed finances. Add into this the underlying terror that made me want to, more and more frequently, disconnect.
More than ever before, I realized I needed help.
FEAR.
(Version 2. Face Everything And Rise)
I mentioned affirmations. Mindset coaching has been my savior, and repeated use of phrases, spoken and written at strategic points during the day, have been lifesavers for me. They also power action.
But, there is always a temptation to believe you and your actions are the sole catalyst of change and progress. I have gravitated towards self-sufficiency with some regularity, while really, my salvation lies in connection.
So, I’m a bit overwhelmed. My heart’s desire is to write a book, and to create workshops to relaunch my coaching brand BEing Healing. These two projects are intended to be my legacy, but have been sidetracked by treatments, and the need to finance them.
So, I am asking for help. Every day, I get better at getting my treatments done in time to work almost a full day. To “face everything and rise” is about more than mindset, it requires massive action, moment to moment, coupled with deep compassion and awareness of the situation, recognizing it for what it is: always, an opportunity to learn, to grow, and sometimes (maybe more than sometimes), to ask for help.
I invite you to watch this video I made with Mark, and to share it with those who may be able to keep me going with this treatment, allowing me to complete these legacy projects. Let’s make it to “0 Months (Don’t Believe It)” - and then to reverse the count to “+1 Month (Believe It!)” and beyond!