I knew when this day was finished that I had done something I had never done before.
This week I almost (and may still) have lost my health coverage, and I completed my yearly cancer scan in the context of my oncologist gently warning me we may be headed towards the end of the journey.
The details? Still evolving. I’ll know my scan results November 4th, and we’ll find out more about the stupendous situation LA County precipitated that I have been trying to fix. Treatment options will be revealed, both medical and supernatural.
But it’s what is between the lines of the events - the way I have been relating to the events - seeing the fearsome and thrilling Light cracking and exposing the events (mad, delirious master classes in love and humility), that is what has never been done, or perceived, by this stumbling Apostle.
Help, I say, quite often, oh help. That help then comes, and shatters through all delusion with a stentorian Grace that saves and exalts. The Apostle can then stumble some more, as he goes forth as an abashed Apostle must.
At coffee, I leaned over to Mark: “I am in a romance with the Divine.”
That statement was evidently heard by Grace, and put to test even more today. I fumbled the ball, but I also carried it as I never have before.
And I’m still far, so far, from the Goal. I’m behaving at a whole new level, but still, still buying into the nightmare, and the suffering that brings, the diorama of projected life.
And yet, something has indeed happened. None of the old tricks that have kept me safe (safe?) are working. At the very least, the symphony of my distractions have begun to clamor and hollow into ears hungry, more and more, for the Unheard.
But this is very scary, even as it nourishes, because it’s so much change. I like where this is going, and we are also not giving up on what must now be considered a spontaneous healing. I hear one in 60,000 experience this type of remission. I do feel exceptional.
But mostly I feel super grateful. And I need to tell you all something.
I feel drenched in love for life and living. I have something now. It’s so small and humble in context with what such spectacular teachers I have known, and who I read and learn from, offer. But wow, it’s there, and I can share.
Deeply Beloved, can you keep me around to share what I have found a bit longer? Look, see inside my brain. There frolics such a jumble of hopes and dreams, they want to come out and sing a bit, don’t make me any sicker just yet, O Divine!
By the way, I think I do have a lot of time left. I hope so.